Disenchanted
by the Delhision
Summary: This is a one-shot, please read, it's about one day, and how five people's problems and actions intertwine. M for language and drug use.


**Hello, my penname is The Delhision, and I want each one of you readers to know that I don't own Tawog. Lately I have been writing one-shots for this archive and have discovered that I'm actually not that bad at writing them. So I started work on a few one-shots along with my usual chapter based stories. I really hope you enjoy this! By the way Gumball and his classmates are juniors in high school. All the stories you will read are intertwining and matter, they factor into and hint at each other, just like our real lives. Everyone affects everything. **

PART 1: FEAR, REBIRTH, AND SPAGHETTI

Gumball's POV

I sit alone at the lunch table; my fork pushed a meat ball impatiently across the platter, leaving trails of tomato sauce behind it. My once hot spaghetti, now cold from neglect, sat infront of me on the table. My fork pushed a meat ball impatiently across the platter, leaving trails of tomato sauce behind it. It doesn't really matter; I'm not hungry today anyway.

The noise of the lunchroom was overwhelming, or at least it would be if my mind wasn't so preoccupied. I just feel waves and waves of emotion running through my mind, guilt, shame, panic, anger, fear, sadness, Indignation, confusion, they all flow into my head and refuse to get out. _'Why me? Why her? Why now?' _I think to myself in a fit of anger.

As the tongs to my plastic fork snap under the force of my anger, and my arm falls ever so little, I come crashing back down into the real world. I realize now, for the first time that I was alone. I knew I was going to be alone at lunch today, what with Penny at the doctors, Carrie at some college visit, and Darwin studying in the library it wasn't really a surprise, but it's different seeing with my own eyes that I am alone. It makes it real, for the first time, it's real.

I stagger back into my mind, trying to put together the puzzle that I'd already attempted to solve a million time in my head. _'Ok Gumball, think! Just calm the Fuck down and think! If Penny's pregnancy test is correct, and she is pregnant, what do I do?' _ I ask myself in thought, begging for an answer. _'Maybe it's not mine!'_ I think, but only for a moment before feeling disgusted with myself, _'No, it's mine. Definitely mine. Penny wouldn't cheat on me, not for anyone.' _I reassure myself, it is a bitter-sweet thought. "God! What do I do?" I whisper to myself softly, I horridly lookup to serif anyone heard, even in the state of mind I'm in I can hear the fear on my voice, I most really sound desperate.

And there I was, sitting at an empty lunch table in the middle of the cafeteria, my life that I'd come to know was crumbling all around me, lying to myself, and worse than that I wasn't even convincing. I chuckled softly at the irony of it all; it helped a little, but not very much. Soon I was back to where I had started the day at, alone and afraid. Uncertainty's hand now rests over my eyes, blinding me of my future, which I had always had faith that I could see and control. _'I sound like an idiot.'_

Across the room walked in Jamie, the school's toughest bully. I watch her slowly as she walks up to where Carmen and Alan were sitting, but before she could get there the two stood up and left casually, as to not raise Jamie's suspicion. Then she turned and began walking toward Idaho and Juke, suddenly a random thought crept through my head, _'Strange… doesn't Steven usually sit with them?' _Just like Alan and Carmen, Idaho and Juke got up and calmly left before Jamie could reach them, she slammed her fist down onto the table in frustration, causing a everyone in the cafeteria to stare at her. _'She must be trying to get lunch money.'_ I thought to myself in near pity, if she didn't go through such terrible means to get her money I would have almost pitied her. Her eyes cross the room and lock onto me, and my blood goes cold. _'I really don't need this today.' _I reasoned to myself in an attempt to leave my lunch, "Good thing I'm not hungry." I mutter as I stand to leave. Soon enough I was nearly at the door, when I heard Jamie calling my name from behind me, "Gumball! Gumball!" she shouted, but this only instinctively made me jog for the exit, leaving Jamie alone, standing in the middle of the lunch room.

I jogged until I knew that even if she had followed me that she would have given up by now anyway. I looked around the hallway, eyeing the room numbers to figure out where I was, and then I heard the creaking of an all too familiar door as it opened and the always cheerfully optimistic voice of Mr. Small greeted me. "Hello Gumball! Why are you not at lunch? I heard it was spaghetti day." He said happily. Mr. Small wasn't my favorite guy at Elmore High, but out of all the teachers and staff members, he was the one that generally cared for the students and tried to help, and for that reason I'm glad he took the job with the high school. "It is, just not hungry today, I guess." I said with a sigh. Even from my spot, fifteen or so feet away, I could see Mr. Small's smile turn to a frown, "Is there anything you want to talk about Gumball? You want to come into my office for a minute and talk?" He offered kindly. I think for a moment before I slip a hand into my pocket and slip out my phone to check the time, _'Still twenty minutes until next class.'_ I think to myself. "Why not." I sigh, slipping the phone back into my pocket and walking towards to where Mr. Small was holding open the door. "You know that you're phone is supposed to stay in your locker during school hours." He reminded me as I walk past him into his office, his usual smile back on his face after his joke as he shut the door behind me.

I sit down in a soft cushioned chair across the desk from where Mr. Small was sitting cross-legged. "So what seems to be the problem?" he asked calmly. I open my mouth, eager to unload the weight of his emotional burden, but then I hesitate, it wasn't much of a pause but it was enough to catch Small's attention. There was a moment of strange silence between the two, usually chatty, individuals, it wasn't the usual awkward silence, more like a scared silence. "On second thought, why don't we meditate?" Mr. Small offered. A small smile crossed my face for a moment, "You're joking, right?" I asked, but he didn't say a word, but his expression told me that he was serious. "Don't criticize what you don't understand." He spoke as if the words were rehearsed, Gumball, something is obviously worrying you, your old road is rapidly changing, and it looks like you aren't too keen to share your problems with me, but if you want I can right you a note and you can work this thing out with yourself." The hippy offered, it was odd how he told me though, his tone was serious and caring but the entire time his trademark smile remained plastered on his face.

It took a minute for his offer to sink in in my mind; no teacher had ever cared enough about me to actually take the time to help, except for of course Mr. Small, but even then he had never been this understanding. I nodded slowly in agreement, "So how do you do this anyway?" I asked as Mr. Small dug out a piece of paper and a pen desk. "Well Gumball, usually you let your mind drift without thought, but for you I suggest that you get comfortable and you focus on whatever it is that's troubling you, tackle this thing head on and overcome this thing Gumball. I know that you can." He instructed and encouraged me. I nodded silently as I got up from my seat and walked over to the couch that rested against the wall on the side directly across from Small's desk. I lied down slowly on the couch, getting as comfortable as possible on the old piece of furniture.

"Good, now close your eyes." Mr. Small instructed, I closed my eyes, the only noise in the room was the feverish scribbling of the pen Mr. Small was using to wright the note, but soon enough he finished and the room went dead silent.

'_OK, focus! Focus! OK, so let's just think this through for a moment. By tonight, I'll know if I'm going to be a father.'_ I reminded myself, soon I could feel my heart racing in my chest, pounding and pounding, harder and harder, faster and faster. _'What if she is pregnant?! What would we do?! Could we still even go to school, let alone college?!' _"Gumball, calm down! Don't panic, don't let your fear get the best of you." Mr. Small whispered softly, just loud enough for me to hear over the thumping of my heart. _'Calm down! Calm down._' I order myself silently. It takes a minute or two, but eventually my body listens and my heart rate slows back to its normal pace.

'_Now let's just go over the facts: I love Penny, we had sex, she might be pregnant, why am I so terrified by that? I do __**LOVE **__Penny, I love her more than anyone or anything else in the world, and she loves me too!'_ I reassure myself, my fear being replaced by a strange new feeling. It feels good; in fact it feels Fucking Fantastic!

'_I could be a dad! Oh my God, I could be a dad!' _ I could feel it in my gut, this strange feeling, it made me feel like a chapter of my life was ending, but an even better one was just starting. I felt like there was no couch, no room, no school, no gravity, just me, like I was drifting through space motionlessly calm, and in that calm I could finally see the truth, there was no fate, no destiny, no ultimate plan, and that was the beauty of it all. The terrible beauty I could see in my mind, it was almost like I was dying to be reborn again, to be different and the same. I could feel a cold tear run down the side of my face. "Gumball… Are you all right?" Mr. Small asked softly, his voice showed his concern for the young man.

'_If she is pregnant, I'll be there for her, for our child. I'll be there for her either way_. _We'll be there for each other.'_ My eyes shoot open, and I see the ceiling again. "Gumball, are you OK?" Mr. Small asked, this time a bit more worried. "Yeah… I'm OK." I muttered, my voice cracking slightly, "I think…I think that I'm ready to go back to class." I said softly this time to avoid my voice from cracking again. "Are you sure, cause your welcome to stay as long as you need to." The friendly counselor offered kindly. "No, it's OK." I reassure him, outstretching my hand for the note. He handed it over without saying another word, and I got back up and walked to the door. As I open the door and stare back into the hallway, I turned back to and muttered a "Thank you." Before leaving, and returning to my hectic and unpredictable life, but with a calmness, with hope.

Tobias rounded the corner at that moment, he looked at me. I smiled back, but all I saw was a inconsolable look on his face. "You were a good friend Gumball, you knew me, really knew me. Thank you." He said before running down the hall again, leaving me confused, but unshaken in my happiness.

PART TWO: THE KILLING JOKE

Banana Joe's POV

'_Well, here I am again.'_ I thought to myself sadly as my eyes turn down to my paper, a tray of spaghetti to the left of it, a fork buried somewhere underneath the pasta. The paper was supposed to be covered in notes, to help me prepare for the test, but instead I'm greeted by the sight of absent minded jokes and puns strewn across the page in its mockingly sloppy handwriting over and across my notes.

I was sitting there at the far side of the cafeteria, alone, attempting to complete the hopelessly difficult task of studying for a test next period. I sighed to myself as my hand rose to my face and rubbed my weary eyes, trying to rub away that tired feeling and focus on my work. But, instead, my eye sight didn't land back on my paper, rather it landed on the empty seat across from me where Tobias usually sat, he didn't tell me where he was going or what he was doing, but he did tell me something. _'Think Joe! What did Tobias tell you?!'_ I shouted at myself in my mind, struggling to grasp onto the memory that, for the moment at least, evaded me. _'Was it something to do with a doctor's appointment? No, that was a few days ago. Oh yeah! He said something about going to the gym or something.'_ I remember, feeling a small sense of accomplishment at remembering.

After accomplishing my small task of remembering, a slight smile crept over my face, but after returning my eyes to the paper it quickly disappeared again. "Fuck!" I mutter softly under my breath in exasperation, life just isn't the same. A soft rumble came up from my stomach, "Yeah Yeah, I get the memo." I said softly, turning to my food, happy to get away from the thought of the test that I have absolutely no chance of passing. I find the handle sticking awkwardly out from underneath the pile of pasta. A few twirls and a few bites later and the rumbling of my stomach is quieted. A small look over back to my so called "notes" shows specks of red all over it, _'Oh, well! Doesn't matter anyway.' _I reminded myself as I took the paper in my hand and crumpled it up into a ball in frustration.

I was lonely, no way around it, nothing left to eat, nothing left to study, and no one around to talk with. What a world. I propped up my head with my hand and took a look around the cafeteria, nothing out of the ordinary really, just people eating, talking, being normal, Gumball was sitting alone and that was a little out of the ordinary, but besides that it was another gloriously normal day in the neighborhood. _'Maybe I should go over, I mean we're not enemies, we don't talk to each other too much, but we're not enemies. Maybe I should go over and talk to Gumball.' _ I thought to myself, ready for company, I mean really ready for some company.

Just as I was about to get up, I heard the doors swing open and I turn to see who it was, it's a natural reaction to these sorts of things, and there stood Jamie. The minute that everyone realized just who it was, a good number of them decided that they were no longer hungry and decided to head off somewhere else. She walked over to the table where Alan and Carmen were sitting, but before she could get there the couple got up and casually left the room, without saying a single word. Jamie didn't get angry or try and catch up with them, instead she turned and headed to the table where Juke and Idaho were sitting, only to receive the same result. _'She must be trying to score some lunch-money, or whatever it was that she was spending it all on. She just keeps taking more and more cash, but never gets any bigger; she's actually been getting thinner and thinner now that I'm thinking about it. Weird." _I thought quietly as I watched her move from table to table. _'I better get out of here.' _I told myself, looking toward the closest exit, which just happened to be by the vending machines.

I got up, platter in hand, and headed to the doors, dumping out the remainder of my spaghetti in the garbage and placing the tray on top of the lid in the process. I was nearly out; I had my hands on the door when I heard her shout "Gumball! Gumball! We need to talk!" and that stopped me in my tracks. The tone in Jamie's voice, it was different from her usual aggressive voice, she sounded weak and hurt, and those are definitely two words I've never thought of when describing Jamie. My hands slowly slide down the door until they rested back at my side, before I looked over my shoulder and saw Jamie staring at the door that Gumball left through, alone and in the middle of the now empty lunch room. I turned and walked toward the vending machines before reaching into my pocket and retrieving my wallet and pulling three dollars from it.

A minute later and three dollars less, I walked back to my table and sat down with my two colas. She saw me and walked over, but I could see the doubt in her eyes that I would be around when she got here. But I stayed, and by the time she reached me I could see the surprise on her face. "Why didn't you run?" she asked calmly. "If you wanted money, you wouldn't have asked to talk with Gumball." I said back softly, grabbing a bottle of the cola and handed it to her. She accepted the small gift with a slightly confused look on her face, "Thank you." She whispered softly. I gestured for her to sit down, and with slight hesitation she did.

"So what do you want to talk to us all about?" I asked; honestly interested in what could make Jamie feel hurt and weak. She sighed as she reached inside her pocket and brought something out, she kept it hidden in her hand for a moment, her thumb ran over whatever it was, before resting it on the table. It was a token, a coin with a circle inside of a square, inside the circle was the roman numeral for seven and around it said "Freedom and Goodwill", and on each side of the square was another word "Self, God, Society, service". "Do you know what this is?" Jamie asked embarrassedly, keeping her eyes on the token. "I'm not sure." I admitted as I cracked the lid to my soda, letting the sound of the fizz ring out along the empty room. "It's a NA token, it's for seven weeks sober." She said embarrassment now fully evident in her voice. I knew what it was, the whole school knew. It wasn't a mystery to anyone that she was a junkie, but since she got back to school she has looked better, physically she doesn't look so unnaturally thin anymore.

She took a sip of her soda to calm herself as I collected my thoughts for a moment, "Why are you telling me this?" I asked, finally breaking the silence. "It's one of the steps; I've got to apologize to anyone that I wronged while I was using or to use." She explained softly. "Are you looking for forgiveness? Because if you are then I forgive you." I say quickly, but without anger or raising my voice. She looked at me with disbelief "You forgive me? Just like that?" she asked, clearly confused. "Yeah, that's what this is about right?" I asked, feeling like I may have overstepped a boundary. "Why?" she asked in a near whisper. "You were a different person than who you really are when you were when you used. I understand how it is to be a different person than you really are because of need." I admitted before I let a sigh escape from between my lips, "Do you think I like who I am? All the jokes and all the bad puns, that's not me. This is me." I told her gesturing to my brooding self. "Then why do you act that way?" she asked, the tone of her voice convoyed the need for her to know. "Because If I don't no one will notice. I'll be the guy that people just forget about, the guy who isn't important enough to notice. I know that it's strange, and I know that it's desperate, but this way at least I know I'm not a supporting character to my own life." I explain painfully, I'd never admitted it before, to anyone. "Just be you, be this guy that I'm talking to, because this is the kinda guy that I would like to have as a friend. You're caring, forgiving, understanding, you're a good guy Joe." She told me with a smile, caring, smile on her face. "But how do I change, everyone knows me for who I pretend to be?" I asked, feeling like my long entrapment may finally pass. "The present now will soon be the past, the order is rapidly changing, and the first one now will later be last. Times change Joe, and so do people, it's inevitable. The only thing we are in control of is whether we are going to be a better person than who we were before. I'm trying, and so should you." She said as she got up and headed to the door, not before whispering a quiet "Thank you" of course. "That was a nice speech! Do they tell you that at NA?" I said loudly enough that she could hear me from a distance. "It's mostly Bob Dylan!" she responded, I couldn't help but laugh, what a deathly serious joke. "Oh, by the way, congratulations!" I shouted back encouragingly. She looked back with a slightly confused look on her face. "For seven weeks." I clarified kindly. She smiled at me briefly before turning back and leaving through the doors.

Alone in the lunchroom I heard the bell toll, alerting me that I was to move on to my next class, and, with a sigh, I complied with the abrasively loud ringing. I picked up my notes and left, walked down the crowded hallways towards my Biology class, with that Bitch Simian. Sometimes I'd wish she'd retire, and other times I'd wish she was dead, but neither of those two things seem to ever come true. I got to the door with plenty of time to spare, so I hung outside the door to the classroom for a while, _'the less time I spent in a room with that immortal primate the better!'_ I thought to myself quietly, watching my fellow students pass by and enter the room.

"Joe!" I head Tobias' voice from down the hall as he walked up to me, a serious look on his face. For a minute I thought I was in some kind of trouble, I don't know why I would be, but who the Hell knows with Tobias anymore. Before I could reply he wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace. "I'm going to miss you." He whispered into my ear softly, as he slipped something into my pocket."What? Where are you going?" I asked suspiciously, he only smiled slightly. Then, as quick as he came, he was gone, he broke the hug and ran away down the hall awkwardly again again, looking as though he might fall over at any moment, but he did not look back.

My hand immediately reached for my pocket, and I could hear the crumple of paper, but before I could pull it out the warning bell rang and I was forced to walk into the class room, and wait to see what he gave me.

PART THREE: A REQUIEM FOR WHO I WAS

(Darwin's POV)

'_The Library, why does it have to be a library?'_ I asked myself as I walked through the doors to the room that housed some of my more unflattering memories. _'How many times have something gone wrong in this place? There was the time I got stuck in the bookshelf with Bobert counting down, the time that Teri got me and Gumball terrified of disease, all the fights and all the stupid internet videos.'_ I counted silently, keeping count on my left fin as I passed by the Shelves of books that seemed to tower over me, looking down on me as I walked willingly into its maze.

'_I wonder how Gumball is doing right now. I hope he's ok eating lunch alone I he's been acting Strange for the last few days.'_ I thought as I walked down the aisle silently, my footsteps echoing loudly with every contact my shoes made with the floor, this place is always empty this time of day, that's exactly why I'm here. The aisle lead to the center of the large room, an open area where several tables were pushed together, some with computers on the surface, others were bare but had chairs pushed in on both sides. This is where I'm supposed to be, this is where I told him to meet me.

I walked over to the table and pulled out a chair to sit down in, it was a normal, cheap, wooded chair, nothing special about it, nothing in the entire world, a strange thought really, it wasn't special, in fact it was very much replaceable, but that's where I sat down. I looked around once I was settled in, seeing nobody and hearing nothing, he was late, but then again he never really was one for keeping times, always "fashionability" late as he would put it, I just think he's lazy, don't get me wrong though his traits grow on you. Besides, he's never too late and he does always show up. And I do always show up early.

I know that it probably isn't always the best idea to show up early when the guy that you're meeting has a tendency for being late, but it gives me time to think and time to plan. I've never been great at off-the-cuff conversations; I never know what to say. _'What do I say, what do I say? I've got to pick the right words, it's really important that I pick the exact right words, the perfect words.'_ I ponder to myself silently, tapping my fingers methodically on the wooden top of the desk. _'This is it, isn't it? The end. Of who I was, of who I am, who I could be. It'll all change, everything. Life, family, secrets, relationships, everything will change.'_ My mind races with painful fears, terrifying visions of the future, all in my mind, but no less fearful. My mind tends to run to bad places, I know it, but it doesn't help when I have something of importance to decide on. Damn! Life sure was easier when I was twelve.

A pair of hands fell fast onto my shoulders, shocking me out of my state of thought, making me jump in my seat. "Jeez Darwin! If I weren't holding you down, I bet you would have jumped right out of your seat." A familiar voice laughed as he stood over top of me. A smile spread over my face uncontrollably, "Steven, you're…" I smiled as I looked down to my wrist, but soon by smile was joined by a flush of red to my cheeks, Right on time." He said proudly, holding a cell phone infront of my eyes, confirming his claim, "You don't wear a watch, remember?" he said spoke with a smile as he kissed me gently on the cheek, before he walked around the table and sat down in the chair opposite mine.

I've known Steven for years, ever since we both joined the synchronized swimming club in grade school. We weren't friends right off the bat though, it took time for us to get to know each other and become friends, even more time to be who we are to each other today. It's a strange thing, love, everyone seems to always be talking about it and looking everywhere for it, but for me, for us, we didn't have to look too far.

"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" he asked from his seat across from me, which he had leaned back so that only the two back legs were resting on the ground. _'Remember what you have to say Darwin! Do not be scared; just say what you have to say.'_ I reassured myself silently before I swallowed the small lump in my throat and took a deep breath. "I… I love you." I started off with a stutter. "I love you too." Steven smiled back. "But I… I don't want to hide it anymore!" I blurted out suddenly, there was a moment of silence between us, it was only a moment but it felt like hours.

"Then don't." he said nonchalantly back to me. "Wait, what? You're not afraid or worried or anything?!" I asked in shock, and a little embarrassment. "No, of course not! We've been together for a while now; it would be unfair for me to want you to hide who you are and what we are." He explained as he slowly leaned forward and rested the front legs of his chair back onto the ground, looking into my eyes from his seat across the table, his usually goofy and smiling expression replaced by one of seriousness and care. "But this is a big deal, there will be people that will reject you, reject me for who we are. You should be worried, you should be afraid…, because I sure as Hell am." I said, nearly in a frantic tone, but towards the end my voice goes soft and I feel panic again. As I spoke, Steven's hand reached slowly across the table to rest on my own on the table. "Hey, listen to me, people reject other people for the stupidest fucking things, and that will happen a little, but I promise you that the people that care about you will never abandon or reject you, and neither will I. Ever. And that's a promise." He said softly to me with a confident smile. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, and for the first time in a long time I wasn't keeping an eye out to make sure no one saw. It was a good feeling, to not worry, to be in the moment and not care about what anyone else thought.

After a moment we broke away, both smiling giddily. "So when do I come over to your place?" he asked happily. "What do you mean?" I asked back, slightly confused. "Well you want me there when you tell your family, don't you?" he offered generously. I smiled at his offer, "No, I think I should do this on my own." I answered him back after a moment of thought. "Are you sure?" he asked, slightly taken aback by my confidence. "Yeah, they should hear it from me. Thanks for offering though, that take some guts." I told him reassuringly. "Yeah, I understand. OK, well good luck." He said as he got up from his chair. "Where are you going?" I asked curiously. "We're going to be late for class." He reminded me, his usual carefree smile back on his face. "See you later." He said as he went off to his next class.

With a sigh I got up as well, "History here I come!" I whispered to myself in a new found confidence. _"Shit! Do we have a test today?'_ I asked myself in a panic as I worked my way back through the maze of shelves toward the exit.

I found the big double doors and pushed them open, "BAM!" It was confusing at first, _'what the hell was that noise?!' _ I asked myself in genuine shock. I closed the doors behind me and there on the floor was a moaning and groggy Tobias. "Hey Tobias, are You OK?" I asked concernedly, outstretching a hand to help him up. He grabbed my hand and after a little pull, he was back on his feet he muttered a quick thank you as he wiped himself of. He didn't look to well, like he was drifting in and out of reality, like the way people with a concussion do. "Tobias, are you OK? Maybe I should take you to the nurse's office." I offered to him, but he violently shook his head side to side. "No! I'm fine! Thanks, hey I'll see you later, in a better place than this old place." He said with a weak smile, but I could tell that it was a sad one. Before I could do anything he was gone, running down the hallway, oddly uncoordinated. I watched as he disappeared from sight, debating whether or not I should chase after him to make sure he was alright, but the warning bell convinced me to turn away and head to class, it wasn't what I thought I should do, but it was what I had to do.

PART FOUR: THE TOKEN THAT TURNS OVER A NEW LEAF

(Jamie's POV)

"One down, everybody else to go." I sighed under my breath to myself as I walked through the hallway door, leaving Joe and my only real apology so far behind me. It's been a tough day, one that I've been putting off for a while now. I hate myself for what I've done and what I became, but that doesn't mean that I don't have my pride still, and it hurts to admit to these people, people that don't trust me, like me, and hardly talk to me what I am, a fucking junkie! Well not a junkie, a recovering person is the correct term I suppose, but that isn't the part that I have trouble admitting to, it's admitting that I was weak, that I am weak. _'I don't need their pity!'_ I shouted to myself in my mind, but my anger is only short-lived _'Oh, who am I trying to fool? I am weak, I don't deserve their forgiveness, and pity is about the best thing that I can expect. I bullied them, beat them, and said terrible things, why should I expect more?'_ I thought to myself glumly.

The hallway seams so lonely, like I'm the only one in the entire school. Of course I know where everyone really is, hiding from me. This is not like amnesia or multiple personalities disorder, I remember what I did to them, if I were them I would hide to. I'm not the same person that I was, but I am, if that makes any sense. It's kinda like a nightmare, I remember doing something, like beating up Joe, but it wasn't really me, I didn't want to do it, it was the stuff, it created something… different in me, something that I couldn't control for a long time.

I remember when this happened to me, my first hit. It didn't look like much, just a little brown liquid in a small syringe, it didn't look threatening, it didn't look overpowering, it was just something that might give me a good time. That was a little over a year ago. It took control the minute it was in me, I was on cloud 9, but eventually you have to come down, and I came down hard. That was the start of it, it was an essential from that moment on, food, water, heroin, that's all I needed, everything else was expendable. I did bully before this, I'm not going to try and cover that up and lie, but not to the extent it was once I got it into my system. I would hurt people, I mean really hurt them. I was a monster.

In the end if it wasn't for a mistake, a small mistake then I wouldn't be here right now. I did something bad, worse than anything else I had done before. I trapped a younger student in the halls one day and I demanded money. Poor kid, he didn't have anything, not a cent. But that didn't stop me, I hit him hard and I didn't stop. He tried to get away, make a run for the staircase, but I caught up to him, it was all a blur after that, I pushed him and he tumbled down the stairs that he had hoped would save him, the way he landed on each stair could chill bones with the sickening sound of his thuds, which her often accompanied with a loud crack. I had crossed the line and everyone knew it. It wasn't long until I was in a jail cell in the police department. I ended up in that cell for a week, waiting for trail, no one I knew that would post bail had enough money, everyone else would never have given it. For the first time in a long time I was clean, and god did it hurt! Withdrawal is a bitch, it hurts every inch of your body, without relent and without pity.

It was the first time in a long time that I got to see myself through clear eyes. It was awful, I was so thin that I looked like a skeleton with skin stretched over it, my hair was dirty and matted and it looked like it was dead. The worst part was my arm, it hurt worse than anything else, and it didn't take a doctor to figure out why, it had a large black pustule midway up my forearm, where, in my fucked up state of mind, I would inject myself. It took surgery and a long time in a hospital bed to heal, two weeks to be exact. By the time it was over I had been forced into a three week sobriety, and after all of it was over I never wanted to see a fucking needle ever again. The school had suspended me for four weeks once I got out of the hospital. the kid's parents didn't push charges, I couldn't believe that would forgive me like that, maybe that's what gave me the final push to stop, I had a chance, if these people could find it in themselves not to push charges than maybe I was redeemable.

That's who I was, for a long time, I was that monster, and I was too weak to stop it. It took one of the worst moments of my life to fix it. But I'm not that person anymore, I'm better than that now.

The slamming of a door was what brought me back from my horror trip down memory lane. I was far down the hall at this point, near Mr. Small's office. "Shit!" I heard a muffled voice whisper from behind me. I turned to see Gumball quietly making his way down an adjacent hallway. "Gumball!" I shouted, but not in a threatening way, more like an excited one. He didn't stop, if anything he only sped up. I followed him, shouting at him to stop and promising that all I wanted to do was talk, but he obviously didn't believe me.

I turned a corner after him, not realizing where I was going until I was there. The staircase. It stopped me in my tracks, all I could do was stare at it, and it almost felt like it was staring back, screaming at me my sins. I couldn't help it, my knees couldn't take it, I fell to my knees with a small thud, but all that did was make the thuds of my memory echo through my head. I stared at it for a second, then two, then who knows how long. And it just kept on with its silent scream, reminding me what I did, and who I was.

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, my eyes welled with stinging tears that blurred what I saw. I chocked for air, and once I did I couldn't stop myself from crying. I wept there, alone, tears cascading down my cheeks until they finally dripped of from my chin and fell to the floor. _'I never cried for the kid, I never even knew his name; why did his parents forgive me? I didn't deserve it, I deserve to rot_!' I cried and cried, no one in the world by my side, no one that I haven't wronged, no one that I deserve.

"Jamie are you ok?" A weary voice asked from a several yards away. I knew the voice, but when I looked up I couldn't see through my tears, but I knew who it was. I couldn't say a word between my gasps of air and crying, but I think that got the message through to him. He stepped a little closer, ready to run if it turned out to be a trick, it wasn't but I didn't hold his actions against him, he had every right to be suspicious.

He gently placed his hand on my shoulder, I could feel his warmth, it was strangely reassuring. "Shhh… it's OK." He said nervously, "It's OK, I'm here." He whispered softly. His voice and reassurance helped, I started to calm down, reduce myself to the occasional sniffle. "Hey, what's wrong? What did you want to tell me?" he asked, this time with less fear and more compassion in his voice. I took a deep breath before spilling it out, "I fucked up Gumball! I fucked up bad!" I admitted to him, tears starting to well up in my eyes again, my eye sight solely resting on the staircase infront of me. He followed my eyesight over to the stairs before he spoke "I thought that the kid's parents weren't pressing charges." He said in a tone that made it feel more like a question than anything. "It's not that, it's… it's that that kid could have been anyone, it could have been Anais, or Darwin, or Penny, or you." I cried helplessly. "Why did they not press charges Gumball? Did they really forgive me, or did they think that what I was made a better punishment? Because I can't find one reason to forgive myself, I can't think of a single thing about me that deserves a second chance. I don't deserve a second chance!" I cried pitilessly. "Jamie, what you were, you were something else, that wasn't you that pushed the kid, it was who you were, what you were." He said as he sat on the floor next to me, his hand still on my shoulder. "You knew?" I gasped in between sobs. "Everyone knew." He said bluntly, "But look at you, telling people, being honest, showing real regret and trying to make up for your mistakes. In my book that's what makes you forgivable, for everything, you're willing to change, and you have. That's what they saw in you, Jamie, they saw a chance for you to change." He said reassuringly, "I've changed, I know how that is, and I know how strong you are and that you are a stronger person than who you were and that you are a different person." He said with a small smile on his face.

I stopped my sobbing again, got myself under control, but he still sat there, in the middle of the hallway, next to me. "I'm going to be a dad." He whispered, his smile spreading. I was speechless for a moment; I couldn't find any words that were perfect enough to tell how I felt, so I just hugged him, and he hugged back. "You're going to be a great dad." I whispered carefully back, smiling, it was different from the smile I had with Joe, where I felt good for completing something, I felt good this time without any gain, just happiness for someone else, it made me feel… happy. Happiness, for once I'm really happy.

PART FIVE: THE END, THE BEGINNING

(Tobias' POV)

I was out of breath by the time I was at the bridge, the one in the park that stretched over the small stream, it was my favorite place in the world. I could feel it now, the pills were taking affect, they numbed my fingers, and in a wave the feeling crawled slowly up my arms. All the pills my doctor had prescribed the day before felt like a brick, nestled in my stomach. _'He said no more football, no more basketball, heart can't take it. Well, if I can't be the only thing I am, then what am I?' _I thought numbly as I leaned on the wooden railing of the bridge. _'Won't be long now.'_

"Tobias? Is that you?" a soft voice asked from behind me. When I turned there was Penny, standing on the other side of the bridge. "I knew it was you, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?" she asked concernedly. "I could ask the same question." I said bluntly, "I should, but I wanted to be here. Missing one day isn't too important." I replied before she could say anything back. "I know the feeling; "I just came from the doctor's office." She said with a slight sense of urgency in her voice. "I went to the doctor's yesterday, wasn't great." I said bluntly. "I'm pregnant!" she blurted out, catching me well off my guard.

She looked anxious, "Sorry, but I had to tell someone." She said with a giddy smile. "Congratulations!" I replied with a fake smile, to cover up my indifference. It wasn't her, I just don't feel much of anything anymore. We sat there in silence for a moment, I could feel it happening in my chest. _'She can't be here, she can't see this.'_ I thought to myself in urgency. "Well, what are you doing here?! Go to Gumball, tell him the good news!" I said in a fake happiness. She smiled and hugged me, whispering "Thanks for being supportive." In my ear before running off towards the school.

Once she was out of sight collapsed to the wooden planked floor. I could feel my chest getting heavier, my breaths more and more felt like they weren't filling my lungs. _'I am an island, and an island sheds no tears.'_ I thought silently as my heart felt like it was going to explode. A single tear fell from my eye, and trickled down my face. All around me I could hear the sounds of winter, a swan song of rustling tree branches, snow being compacted, and the tune of a lone blue jay, such bittersweet symphony. "You know what?" I said to no one, more for myself, "I'm happy for her." I muttered, feeling genuine happiness, so close to the end.

My vision became darker around the corners, closing in fast; there was no light, no angel to bring me to heaven, no fire, just black. For some reason it was relieving, this was my choice and I am ready for this. It was calm when it happened, like the entire world was still for one final moment, only my raspy breath and it's trail of fog to break it. "Goodbye" I whisper as I feel my heart stop, and I feel nothing but peace, I weakly ran my hand over the old wood of the bridge fondly, "We do what we must, because we can."

**Leave a review if you would, favorite if you liked, pm me if you want to chat. My next story is a request by lexboss, and that will be up hopefully before Christmas.**

**The Delhision**


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